frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
captain beefheart (harp, vocals)
george duke (keyboards, vocals)
napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
bruce fowler (trombone)
tom fowler (bass)
denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
chester thompson (drums)

i was sittin’ in a breakfast room in allentown, pennsylvania, six o’clock in the morning, got up to early, it was a terrible mistake… sittin’ there face-to-face with a 75 cent glass of orange juice about as big as my finger and a bowl of horribly foreshortened cornflakes, and i said to myself: "this is the life!"…

she’s 200 years old,
so mean, she couldn’t grow no lips
boy, she’d be in trouble if she tried to grow a mustache

she’s two hundred years old
squattin’ down & pockin’ up
in front of the juke box
just like she had true religion.. boy!

she’s two hundred years old
hoy!, hoy!, in 200 years,
half of this, none of that,
one.. fifty.. oh squattin’,
yeah-ah, ain’t she got
oohhh, she got religion now, boy.

oohhhh, ?? ?? ??
oohhhh, she’s just mean,
she just, she just can’t grow no lips.
squat.. down, so mean she can’t grow no lips.
200 years old, so mean she can’t grow no lips.

fz: strings do the ornaments of the [frame in right . . .]

frank zappa (lead guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
ike willis (rhythm guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
mike keneally (rhythm guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
bobby martin (keyboards, vocals)
ed mann (vibes, marimba, electronic percussion)
walt fowler (trumpet, flugel horn, synthesizer)
bruce fowler (trombone)
paul carman (alto saxophone, soprano saxophone, baritone saxophone)
albert wing (tenor saxophone)
kurt mcgettrick (baritone saxophone, bass saxophone, contrabass clarinet)
scott thunes (electric bass, mini-moog)
chad wackerman (drums, electronic percussion)

[this is spoken with the style and accent of an evangelist preacher from the southern united states.]

thank you very much, mr. zappa.

ah, i’m very pleased to be here on behalf of the administration– the most powerful government in the world. and, uh, mr. fitzwater invited me to come here tonight to create some balance, because there has been some things done by mr. zappa that i think are unfair to our country.

i think, from the beginning, to say that this is going to be balanced, when he has this *lingerie* up here, and makin’ fun of *children’s toys*, as a beginning, if this is what he has in mind, i think he’s wrong.

it’s people like mr. frank zappa that kept the senate from being able to send arms to the democratic freedom fighters in nicaragua! and i, for one, am headin’ down there myself, as soon as i finish up here tonight.

and i want the elected official, mr. charlie sanders the democrat, to remember that "democrat" begins with a "d", just like demon! and we’ll remember you, friend, when it comes votin’ time. and margaret boyd[?] and carmen belacord[?], despite …[?] habit, did some help to back things up.

friends, these forms cost money. and this money could be going towards a more powerful military; this money could be going towards driving out the illegal aliens. instead, mr. zappa wants to have a bunch of young, uninformed 18 to 21-year-olds votin’ here, and spendin’ your money.

and i just want you to know that tonight, i *love* him anyway. because i’ve got love in my heart, and i’m not afraid of the fact that he turned this into some kind of zoo up here.

sunday–that’s not fair, mr. zappa–sunday night used to be a night in which americans would get together. they’d go to their place of worship, and they would share. and i don’t know why, on this night which is supposed to be valentine’s night, there aren’t more people that have a heart that have a love affair with america. but instead, they’re here on sunday night, worshipping this man who’s demon-possessed!

i ask you, mr. frank zappa, what kind of man can name a child moon unit? what kind of man can name a child weasel? what kind of man can name a child ohman? to me, it defies the logic.

and i’m comin’ here tonight because i want to share with him, just the same way we’re going to give spirit power to the democratic freedom fighters down there, our brothers that wanna have the freedom to be able to have a man like pat robertson. to have a man like mr. dole. restore, america!

and i’m gonna ask the power and the joy and the power of the living king of kings, and a lot of you here, you smut-minded, musical people say, "king of kings, that must be elvis". no, i’m gonna ask for the power and ask for the glory. i’m gonna now, i’m gonna tell you a story. i’m gonna drive out the demons, friends. i’m gonna ask you to help this badness end. come on frank, let’s have a story. come on now share the glory. do you feel the power? come on, put out the negativity…

frank zappa (dialog)
motorhead sherwood (dialog)
arthur tripp (dialog)
ian underwood (dialog)

fz:
they’re really getting professional now. in the dressing room waiting for the vanilla fudge to go off motorhead and arthur dyer tripp the third are playing cards.

arthur:
pair of queens what is this shit?

motorhead:
pissy, pissy poop.

arthur:
can i go down with two cards?

motorhead:
pissy, pissy poop.

arthur:
do it this way. give me a good chance buddy.

motorhead:
i’ll take that sonabitch.

arthur:
you better not

motorhead:
i took it.

arthur:
oh, you’re running for a spade straight, are ya?

motorhead:
i took it.

arthur:
oh, i got your number.

motorhead:
oh whaddaya know.

arthur:
i knew it.
you have any other one i want?
(phhht!)
i hear a fuzztone.
wahhh

motorhead:
you shink evvyzing gonna be awright?

arthur:
is this an accounting office?

frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
ike willis (lead vocals)
peter wolf (keyboards)
arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
ed mann (percussion)
vinnie colaiuta (drums)

central scrutinizer:
a little green rosetta
a little green rosetta
a little green rosetta
a little green rosetta
you’ll make
a muffin betta
with a green rosetta
a little green rosetta
a tiny green rosetta
a green rosetta
a little green rosetta
a little green rosetta
a tiny green rosetta
you’ll make
a muffin really betta
it’s betta
it’s really getting betta
it’s betta, it’s betta
with a green rosetta
setta, setta
and a green rositti, too
green rositti
a little green rositti
it’s really, really meaty
a little green rositti

you’ll make
a muffin really betta
it’s betta
(hey, really out
there…that was
really good)
it’s really getting betta
it’s betta, it’s betta
with a green rosetta
setta, setta
(good god, give the
drummer some)
green rosetta

a little green rosetta
a little green rosetta
a little green rosetta
(setta, setta, setta,
etc….)
(make a muffin, make
a muffin, make a muffin,
make a muffin betta,
make a muffin betta,
etc….)
with a green rosetta
a little green rosetta
you’ll make a muffin betta
(etc….)

good god! you’re
really jammin’! now
the reggae version,
hey, for the people in
the third world…
we haven’t forgotten
anybody on this
song…for all of you
french people…who
think that you’re outta
sight…and for the
people in spain…who
think the french
people are where it’s
at…and for the people
in mongolia who
always wanted to go to
spain for a vacation…
and for those of you in
taiwan who got
chumped, this chorus
is for you: (rang tang
ding dong, i am the
japanese sandman…
take eight…)
green rosetta
a green rosetta
a little green rosetta
(against the reggae
beat, though…
no, it’s still reggae,
but it’s all backwards)

a little green rosetta
a little green rosetta
a little green rosetta
you’ll make
a muffin betta
a little green rosetta
(etc., etc., etc…)

now you see, some
places in the third
world it might be
difficult to dance to
this because the
kerosene record player
is not a very efficient
device…and a lot of
times they run out of,
they run out of spunk
right in the middle of
the chorus…causing
the song to sound like
this…

a little green rosetta

however we continue
in spite of the fact that
the fuel may be low on
your record player. we
suggest that in places
in the fourth world
where things are really
tough that you keep
the record player
going by rubbing two
sticks together. and if
all else fails, throw the
record away…build
your own green
rosetta…try this
recipe: we’ll start with
a lump of grass…the
grass bone connected
to the ankle bone…the
knee bone connected
to the wishbone…and
then everybody moves
to new york and goes
to a party with
warren. hey!
and we’ve flown in, at
great expense, (triple
scale, no less, ladies
and gentlemen), steve
gad’s clone to play the
out-chorus on this
song…he’s really outa-
site, in spite of the fact
that the click track is
totally irrelevant to
what he’s doing right now.
i’m listening to the
click, yes i’m suffering
with the click track
right now…this guy is
totally out of sync with
it, but what the fuck.
ed mann will call him
up later, show him the
sign. okay vinnie,
where is five?

they’re pretty good
musicians
they’re pretty good
musicians
they’re pretty good
musicians
(the singer’s not too
good, but the musicians
are pretty good)
they’re pretty good
musicians
they’re pretty good
musicians
they’re pretty good
musicians
they’re pretty good
musicians
but it don’t make no
difference
if they’re good
musicians
because anybody who
would buy this record
doesn’t give a fuck if
there’s good musicians
on it
because this is a
stupid song
and that’s the
way i like it

a little green rosetta
hey!
a little green rosetta
a little green rosetta
a little green rosetta
you make
a muffin betta
with a green rosetta
a little green rosetta
rosetta, rosetta
rosetta
(etc., etc., etc….)

al malkin:
zetta…